The other day, Mackenzie was looking at framed photos of Chad and I in our younger years, asking where we were and if she was there too. I told her she didn’t exist yet and she just looked at me with a bewildered look on her face – a completely unfathomable thought for a mere just-under-three-year-old. Looking at those pictures of us as a twosome, it was hard to imagine life before her but even more so, life WITHOUT her.
BEFORE her, I never knew how much I could love someone so much…unconditionally…enough to want to eat them (figuratively speaking of course!).
BEFORE her, I didn’t truly understand what it meant to be completely selfless about time, needs, wants, sleep…and how hard of an adjustment it would be.
BEFORE her, I never realized I could worry so much about someone else’s well-being every second of every day.
BEFORE her, I cared so much about what people thought of me, sought and craved the approval of others, and putting everyone else’s needs before my own just to keep them happy.
WITH her, I’ve learned to let the judgment of others roll off my back because as long as I know that I’m trying to be the best person I can be for my family, then it doesn’t matter what others think.
WITH her, I’ve learned to put my family’s needs first (which means sometimes saying no without apology or explanation).
WITH her, I’m constantly learning how to reconcile with working mom guilt. Instead of berating myself for spending more time at work than with her, looking at it as a positive example for her to see.
WITH her, I’ve gained a newfound purpose…to be the best mother I can be for her…mistakes, imperfections and all.
