Welcome to the last post in my three-part series about how being an introvert impacts me as a mom, wife, and business professional.
My career is where I see introversion impacting me the most – in both negative and positive ways.
In every company I’ve worked for, characteristics and traits of an extrovert are viewed as ideal leaders and rockstar employees. They are the ones who talk the most in meetings, throw out the most ideas in a brainstorm, and seemingly effortlessly carry conversations with anyone and everyone. People are drawn to them and want to be around them.
There have even been studies done on group dynamics that suggest that we perceive talkers as smarter than quiet types – even though standardized tests and GPAs would show this perception to be inaccurate. We also see talkers as leaders – because naturally, the more a person talks, the more other group members direct their attention to them, and they become increasingly powerful (btw if you haven’t read Quiet by Susan Cain, which is where I pulled these nuggets from, I highly recommend it – so incredibly insightful).
I am the quiet one in a meeting, and will only speak up if I feel confident in what I have to say. I am not the person you want in a brainstorm, because I need to think on my own, and I won’t just throw out any and every idea unless I think they’re worthy of mentioning. Casual conversation doesn’t come easily or naturally to me (unless you’re a good friend or family).
So it comes as no surprise that in every annual performance review I’ve had, the one piece of feedback that has followed me in every company I’ve worked for, is that I need to speak up more. I need to be more vocal about my thoughts and opinions. I need to be more engaged in meetings. I need to be a champion for myself and promote my work.
Every time I’d hear this feedback, I would rebut with I’m not the type of person that talks in meetings just to talk – I want to make sure I have something valuable to add. I am engaged in meetings – just because I’m not talking doesn’t mean I’m not listening and thinking. I would rather let my work speak for itself than have to “promote” it.
I started to feel defeated after so many years of the same feedback. I believed that even though I was capable of doing high quality work and leading people, I would never get the opportunity to be a leader because I wasn’t vocal enough. And man, there were some tough work cultures that brought me down and made my introversion feel like a negative…effectively implying that I was a detriment to the company.
I think the bigger detriment is that we so often fail to recognize the power in those who listen and observe more than they speak.
Another great nugget in Quiet that helped me shift my perspective, was that introverts are uniquely good at leading initiative-takers. Because of their inclination to listen to others and lack of interest in dominating social situations, they are more likely to hear and implement suggestions, which motivates people to be even more proactive. And so they end up creating a circle of proactivity. That’s not so bad, right?
Thankfully, at my current company, I’ve been fortunate to have people in my corner who recognize my skills and talents, and appreciate what I bring to the table despite my tendency to be on the quiet side.
But that isn’t to say that I don’t challenge myself to step outside my comfort zone and force myself to speak up sometimes. When I do that, usually more often than not, I find that I’m pleasantly surprised by the outcome. I find that my own perception of myself in those situations is usually opposite of how others perceive me (in a good way). I find that my thoughts and opinions have value and can potentially help and teach others a new perspective.
So, while I will continue to embrace and own my introversion at work (as anyone should!), I will also continue to try things that are uncomfortable…stretch and push myself so I can grow personally and professionally, and build my confidence for the next opportunity.