Being an Introverted Mom

First, I feel like I should caveat by saying, according to the last Myers-Briggs test I did several years ago, I fall somewhere close to the middle of extroversion and introversion, but lean more towards being introverted. Chad on the other hand…complete extrovert, without question. More on how that plays out in our marriage in part two of my series. 🙂

I actually never really thought that being introverted would have any bearing on how I am as a mom or how I approach parenting. But it does…a lot more than I thought. Here’s where I see the beauty in being an introverted mom:

Being hyper aware of emotions. So I can sense how she’s feeling even though she can’t verbally express it right now, which gives me the ability to respond with sympathy, empathy, and nurturing words and arms.

Listening more than I talk. So I hear what Mackenzie is saying and am more apt to seek to understand, instead of making assumptions based on what I project or think.

Slowing down to recognize the sheer joy and wonder in the moment. So I can appreciate and revel in gratitude for all that she is. And because I don’t operate at a million miles a minute, I’m able to slow down and share in the joy and wonder with her.

And here’s where I see being an introverted mom impacts my day-today and how I show up as a mom. It’s in:

How I interact with Mackenzie. Or rather, how I prefer to spend my time with her. In all honesty, my heart feels the fullest when we’re sitting in her rocking chair, in the dark, in the quiet, in the stillness, while she falls asleep in my arms. That is my happy place. I could sit and watch her play all day, as long as it doesn’t require me to co-star in the show. I love nothing more than to sit and read a book or quietly color with her. I thrive in the calmer moments – which are fewer and far between now that she’s in full-blown toddler mode – full of energy she doesn’t know what to do with half the time. Always talking, always demanding my attention, always exploring. Don’t get me wrong. It’s fun to play pretend with her, chase her around in gymnastics class, take her shopping, sing and dance, and explore right along with her. But man, is it EXHAUSTING! Particularly exhausting to force myself to get out of my head, and into the action. Maybe that has to do less with my being an introvert, and more so with me being old. 🙂

How much energy I have to interact with Mackenzie. I’ve noticed that I am my best self and do my best everything, earlier in the day. By lunchtime, maybe a little after, I slowly start my downhill slide to a foggy brain, a body that just wants to sit, and a need for quiet. Unfortunately, that’s not how most days are able to play out. Unfortunately, after work, there’s a toddler that’s so excited to see Mommy that she wants to be as close and connected to her as humanly possible. I swear, sometimes I think if she could crawl back into the womb, she would! When we get home from daycare, all she wants me to do is hold her, play whatever she fancies at the moment, and just be present with her (even if that means allowing her to join me in the bathroom – which is seriously sometimes the only moments I could actually get to myself – and now that’s not even a thing). And as much as I am excited to see her, excited to hold her, excited to be in her presence…if I’ve had a particularly demanding day at work…my energy and patience for all the excitement is less than stellar. Which leads me to…

How much interaction I can tolerate before I start losing my patience. If I’m already coming into it hot, it’s just downhill from there. And I really hate the kind of mom I become when that happens. I pride myself on being pretty darn patient, but there are just some moments when I can just feel my blood boil for no good reason other than I didn’t have a chance to recharge my batteries at some point in the day. It seems like Mackenzie can sense it because that’s when she chooses to push my buttons. Wrong time to do that, sweetie. I have far less tolerance for her just being a curious and emotional toddler who’s innocently learning the do’s and don’ts of life. And I really try to keep that in mind when I find myself in these moments. But it’s freakin’ hard! When all you can see is red and having to pull yourself out of that headspace and into calm…I still have yet to master that. I’m working on it.

Knowing all this, I’ve come to the realization that I need to do certain things for myself in order to show up a better mom for Mackenzie. I need to make sure I get enough sleep. I need at least one bathroom trip to be solo. I need five minutes of quiet when I get home from work – thankfully she often does too and will just sit on the couch with me and drink her milk, quietly. I love those days. I need to be better about carving out time in the week just for me – to write, to read, to get a massage – whatever that looks like, it’s just me in a quiet place. I also need to get back into a regular exercise routine. I was on a good streak for a while but I’ve been slacking big time. I can feel it in my body, in how my clothes fit, and I just hate how I feel. I have to be more disciplined in that area, because it really does make a difference with your mood and your energy.

So for all you introverted mamas out there, I feel you. I get you. Don’t be afraid to take time out for yourself. Do what you need to do to recharge, even if that means (gasp) doing something for yourself…alone…no husband, no kids, no one but your beautiful, amazing self. And you have to do it without an ounce of guilt. I know it’s hard…I struggle with it too. But trust me when I say, that when you take care of yourself, you and your relationships will only stand to benefit from it.