Expectations of a Dancing Toddler

I am so sad that it’s been so long since my last blog post and truth be told, I have no other excuse except that it just hasn’t been high enough on my priority list lately. But now I’m back in it and I will make a promise to myself and my readers that I will NEVER let this much time pass between blog posts again. Deal?

Anyways, my latest mommin’ saga is about the Mommy and Me dance class Mackenzie and I started three weeks ago. When I signed us up for the class, I had all these visions of us having a grand old time dancing together – with her all cute-looking in her leotard, tights, and ballerina shoes. The cute part I was spot on about (sorry, I have yet to snap a photo, will share when I do). The grand old time dancing together? Well, that’s been a real trip.

The first disastrous class I let slide, thinking she just needed to get used to it. I was actually surprised she wasn’t as into it as I thought she would be since she loves music and dancing so much at home and at daycare. My expectations of how she would react and behave got the best of me. As I looked around the class at the other little girls and their moms following along while I dealt with a little girl who preferred rolling on the floor to walking on tip toes, taking off her ballet shoes in the middle of class or having me carry her for the majority of the class…well, I felt a little jealous and really disappointed. But I chalked it up to an “off” day, and hoped for the best for the next one.

Week #2 went about as unsuccessfully as week #1. Except I overheard a mom whisper to her child, “Just because another little girl is misbehaving doesn’t mean you should.” I knew what “little girl” she was referring to – MINE! Rather than go all mama-bear on her and cause a scene in class, I just held my head up high and bit my tongue. I casually asked another mom who’s child was so well-behaved how old her daughter was (all the while thinking, she’s got to be at least 3 1/2 or so). Nope. She’s about 2 1/2…same age as Mackenzie. In that moment I felt like a failure.

Was I not doing a good job of teaching her how to listen? Did I miss the mark somewhere? Does this mean she’s behind developmentally and behaviorally? All the questions and doubts just came flooding into my mind. When before this class ever was a thing, I thought I had a pretty typical and slightly more well-behaved kid. I thought I had realistic expectations of how she should act and that what she was doing was perfectly normal for her age. Until I started comparing – the ultimate trap of doubt and disappointment for us moms.

Then, this last class just about broke me. Mackenzie was actually starting to participate (for like a good minute or two) then…she face-planted and completely lost it. So I took her outside to console her and make sure she was okay. All good. We go back into class. Everyone is in a circle crouched on the floor, pretending to be a turtle. Mackenzie decides she wants to run around the class. I grab her to bring her back to the circle…several times this scene plays out. Until she starts screaming because she doesn’t want to do what the class is doing. Once the screaming started, I took her outside to have a talk about how she needs to listen.

We watch the class through the window for a little bit and I ask if she’s ready to go back inside. She says, “No, I don’t like it.” And honestly, I was over the class at that point…and we still had 20 minutes left to go. A couple different thoughts played out in my head. One was, what a terrible mom I am for “forcing” her to do something she doesn’t like. The other thought was, what sort of lesson would I be teaching her if we just left the class or quit altogether? So back in we went and tried to make the best of the situation. She refused to let me put her down so I just held her while doing all of the moves. I wasn’t giving up. I even made a joke of what a great workout I was getting from dancing AND carrying a 30+ lb toddler. I got some courteous smiles from a couple moms.

Here’s what I’m learning from this experience…expectations set you up for disillusionment and disappointment. Expectations have the power to rule your emotions and actions. I will be the first to admit that I became more impatient towards Mackenzie because she was “letting me down” by not fulfilling my expectations of how the Mommy and Me class should be going. I started to feel guilt about not being a good enough mom to raise a well-behaved child defined by my preconceived notions about what a well-behaved child should look like at age 2 1/2.

Caught up in my expectations, I was missing the point – this class is purely meant to be a special activity for Mackenzie and I to do together. So rather than expect, I should appreciate the opportunity and time that I’ve been given to share this experience with her – in all it’s frustrating beauty. I should appreciate that I have a daughter who is capable and has her own likes and dislikes. I should appreciate every misstep for what it teaches me.

Appreciation trumps expectation every time.