Having Each Other’s Backs

I was at a baby shower yesterday for a longtime dear friend of mine who is expecting her first. Like any new mom-to-be, she was incredibly appreciative and receptive of any seasoned mom advice she could get. And as I listened to each of us moms voice our opinions and experiences, it sort of surprised me how different they all were. I mean, I guess if you think about it, no baby is the same so naturally, everyone’s experience is going to be different.

But here’s the kicker that I’m even ashamed to write here. As I was listening, I found myself (dare I say it) comparing and judging – in my head, of course. WHY?!?! That’s not the kind of person I am or want to be.

My only consolation for my ugly thoughts, was knowing I’m not the only one who does it. We’re all guilty of it whether we want to admit it or not. It’s apparent in my social media feeds, where I see other mom blogs posting messages about “don’t judge me because I formula-feed” or “just because I don’t cherish every single moment with my child, doesn’t make me a bad mom.” I see it with friends who post pics of their L.Os. and write captions like “yes, she’s 1 and she watches TV” or “she still has a pacifier at 4 #momfail.”

Why are we preemptively protecting ourselves from being shamed and judged by other moms? As moms, we should be graceful and empathetic because we know first-hand how HARD it all is…and that a lot of times, it’s what we have to do to survive. It’s what works for us and our own families.

There’s a whole lot of chatter out there about having a “mom tribe.” That group of mom friends who you can vent to at all hours of the day, share glasses of wine with and be straight-up honest about all the struggles without fear of judgment, swap baby clothes and gear with, and seek advice from. I think it’s great and really important to have a support group on speed dial. Us moms need it for our sanity!

But WHAT IF each one of us – mom to mom – regardless of whether we know each other intimately or not, were one big mom tribe? A tribe that has each other’s back no matter what. So instead of social media posts like the ones I just described, we’d see ones that are simply honest and open – posts that could possibly impact someone we don’t even know, who needed to hear that she wasn’t alone, who needed to know that some other mom out there understood exactly what she was going through, how she was feeling. To not feel like you’re losing your mind! Because let’s be honest, it can feel really lonely sometimes when all people post or talk about are the best versions of their families or sugar coat the hard stuff.

We’re all in this beautiful motherhood thing together. So I’m going to challenge myself to be a strong member of this unseen, unspoken mom tribe. To not come at it with a judging heart or comparisons. Rather, to approach every mom with an open heart and understanding mind. To sympathize and empathize and assume we’re all doing the best we can in the best way we know how.

I am a far from perfect mom. In fact, I have my own moments and days when I feel like I’ve failed Mackenzie as a mom because I lost my cool or I wasn’t present or I let her have too much screen time because I needed a breather. But I hope all you moms out there can give me grace and understanding when I need it. And I promise, I’ll do the same.