Soaking in the Moments

Lately I’ve been in utter awe and wonder at what my L.O. says, does and understands. I swear it seems like every single day, she surprises me with a new phrase she picked up or a new skill she learned. Just the other day she was actually having a “conversation” with me. I had given her raspberries to eat (man does she love them!) and she looked at me and asked, “Mommy, want some?” Of course, I couldn’t resist those expressive eyes and that sweet voice so I said, “Yes, please.” She grabs one and hands it to me and says, “Here go, Mommy.” I said, “Thank you.” And she said, “Welcome.” After I ate it she asked, “It’s good?” and I said, “Yes, tastes very good.” I mean, she’s just over 2 years old. How does she even know how to ask the questions? I swear just last week she could barely string three words together!

I’ll just watch her play and find myself in disbelief that this little person, who was once a tiny infant, grew inside of my belly. That this little person is becoming more independent every day…more separate from me than she’s ever been. That this little person has her own personality that shines more and more as the days go by. And my heart just feels so full in those moments. But it also breaks just a little with the realization that someday that little person will become a young woman who will live her own life, apart from me, and share her light with others wherever she goes. I’ve still got a few years until that happens, but every baby step she takes in that direction leads her farther away from the safety of my arms, my watchful eyes, my guiding words.

Until then, I’ll soak in every moment.

I’ll soak in the feel of her tiny hands in mine as we walk together.

I’ll soak in the warmth of her body in my lap as we read stories together.

I’ll soak in the way she curls up and rests her head in my chest as we say good night to the day together.

I’ll soak in the sound of her laughter as we play silly games together.

I’ll soak in her cute voice as we sing songs together (her current favorite is Baby Shark).

I’ll soak in the way she runs to me with a big smile and arms wide open when I pick her up at daycare.

I’ll soak in every time she says, “Mommy” in her little toddler voice.

I’ll soak in her sweet, thoughtful and loving nature – all the “Sorry Mommys”, “Thank you Mommys”, bear hugs, wet kisses.

I’ll soak in every moment she needs me for all the little things…because there’ll come a day when she won’t.

Believe it or not, I’m honestly enjoying being a mom in this toddler phase. While it comes with its own unique challenges (as every phase of raising a human does), I’ve found that they’re challenges that are testing me in new ways and ultimately refining and redefining who I am.

She has given me the ability to let go of ideals like a spotless, clutter-free house or being a size 2 again, and just appreciate all that I have and all that my body is able to do (like grow a human!). She has taught me to celebrate the small moments and find joy in the (seeming) monotony. She has forced me to be a little more vulnerable with my emotions (or maybe that’s the mom hormones?!). She has shown me how capable and strong I am.

She is a truly a gift from God. And I remind myself every day of how blessed I am to have her – even on the hard days. Actually, especially on the hard days. Because that’s when the opportunity to grow as a parent and a person is right in front of me.