Inspired by a recent sermon about crucial conversations and speaking the truth with love, I decided to speak the truth about a sensitive subject that’s been hanging over my head since I became a mom: balancing family time.
As a full-time working mom of a young kiddo, I’ve found myself becoming more protective of my weekends with my small family unit of three (or four if you count Wally the pup J). Because to me, it’s our only time together as a family unit that we get to spend doing things other than the daily grind of life during the week. It’s our time to catch up, run errands, make new memories, relax, and just do the things we WANT to do. Yes, I get that there will always be social events like birthday parties, baby showers, play dates, etc. that come up – and that’s okay because those aren’t happening every single weekend or even every month.
What’s been hard is managing and protecting that precious time with family outside of our little unit of four…without angst or guilt. Or without a reason other than, I just want to be with Mackenzie, Chad and Wally. I understand people want to see Mackenzie all the time (and maybe even Chad and I too 😉 ), but heck, so do I. “What do you mean? You see Mackenzie every day!” Well yes, that’s true. But here’s the thing – it’s not always quality time. It’s getting through the day unscathed. It’s picking your battles with a strong-willed almost-two-year-old. It’s teaching and disciplining at what feels like every moment.
Mornings are always a rush to get out the door. I might get 5-10 minutes of holding her while I finish getting ready, make my coffee to-go, feed Wally, and pack my bag before jetting off to work. After work, it’s maybe half an hour of playing before dinner. Then maybe another hour of playing after dinner. And in that time, it’s also cleaning up the kitchen, bath some nights, tidying up the toys, etc. Oh, and trying to fit in an adult conversation with my husband. Before I know it, it’s time to put PJs on, brush teeth and wind down for bedtime. And that’s just life right now, before extracurricular activities get added into the mix.
By the time the work week is over, many times I simply don’t have the energy to entertain. And entertaining doesn’t just mean hosting. Even if you were to go to someone else’s house, you’d still have to entertain on some level. Which brings me to my next point.
Sometimes I don’t have the desire or the patience to make small talk. And let’s be honest, even the closest friends and family do it. I lean heavily on Chad in this department. It’s one of the many reasons why I’m so attracted to him – I admire his ability to make small talk so naturally. He thrives on it – I mean, he is 100% extroverted!
I wholeheartedly own up to the fact that all this is partly driven by my introverted self. I have no problem not leaving the house or seeing people other than Chad and Mackenzie for an entire weekend. Because I can be in their presence and feel completely at ease, at home, comfortable, relaxed. That’s how I recharge, how I get my energy.
But most of all, this is driven by what I said at the beginning of this post – my need, want, CRAVING to spend quality time with my small family unit of four.
Now don’t get me wrong – I strongly believe having a good relationship with family is incredibly important. I love our families and spending time together is, and should always be, a priority.
But I constantly struggle with striking a balance so it doesn’t feel like I’m disappointing others or myself.
So as I continue to learn and figure out what the right balance is, I ask for understanding and grace when “No” is simply the answer.
Yeah I have to schedule time to NOT do anything as well. I thought I was a little crazy until I read your post. I was told I was being a grinch – haha
All of your blogs so far have been great and relatable – this one speaks to me though! My time with my kids and husband feels so sparse right now as we’re starting to introduce activities and they’re making friends and having playdates. I leave in the morning before any of them get up. Do I see them every night? I do. But from the time I walk in the door to the time the first kid goes to bed I have an hour and 45 mins with them. An hour and 45 mins to make dinner, eat, do homework, take showers/baths, get pjs on and sometimes shuffle off to swim lessons – that leaves very little time to really spend time together. I look forward to every single weekend because I know we’ll have more time together – and as much as possible – that time needs to be our time. It’s hard for me to explain to family and friends why I don’t want to have back to back plans or drive hours one way to see them all the time but to be honest again – the more I have on my plate the higher my anxiety level gets. When my anxiety gets high, my husband and kids suffer (speaking of the hard truths…). We need to soak up this time together as much as possible now because as our kids get older it will become less and less. And as you mentioned, I fully want my kids to have strong relationships with the rest of our families and I want to show them how to build strong friendships through my own – but our core 5 has to be the priority. Keep me posted if you figure it out 🙂 – and keep writing – I love it!