It happened so suddenly and unexpectedly. I had waited so long for Mackenzie to finally say “Mama.” Every time I heard her say it, I’d feel a warmth in my heart. I knew I’d never get sick of hearing her sweet voice say, “Mama.” And then, out of nowhere, a few days ago…it happened. She started calling me, “Mommy.”
I honestly did not think that such a small nuance in a title would hit me so hard. But it did. Because once that flip switched and I graduated to “Mommy,” it became all too real that my little baby was growing up…and would continue to do so. That instead of being “Mommy,” someday I would just be “Mom.”
It doesn’t change how I love her and will always see her as my first baby, even when she’s 30 and well beyond needing me so intensely (well, TBD on that but finger’s crossed! 😉 ). It doesn’t make me love hearing her say “Mommy” in her still-sweet voice any less than when she said, “Mama.” Or take away from how much I cherish our quiet moments together before she goes to bed, when we sit in the rocking chair as she drifts off to sleep in my arms.
It does, however, represent a shift in our mother-daughter relationship. Right now, it’s a shift so imperceptible that only I know it to be true. It’s in the way she tests my patience and knows just the right buttons to push. It’s in the way she needs my help a little less to prove she can do it herself. How she prefers to have “Dada” do certain things now. How she can occupy herself with a crayon and a coloring book, without wanting or needing my attention.
I know, it’s all part of her growth and development – all part of her turning two in a couple weeks. And it’s only going to continue to shift in bigger, more obvious ways from here on out.
So for emotion’s sake, what I have to keep reminding myself every day, is that while the nature of our relationship will change as the years go by and my role as her mother will evolve, the love and connection we share will always remain a constant. That no matter what, I will always be her “Mama” and she will always be my “Boo-Boo.”