Hope everyone had a great Mother’s Day! I wanted to share some insightful parenting advice I got from yesterday’s message at church because I think it speaks to the core of (most) parents’ desire to raise kids who are respectful, hard-working, faith-filled adults. It came from our guest speaker, Dr. Tim Johanson, who is a pediatrician specializing in behavior and raising kids to be life-ready.
He talked about how our roles as parents should be to guide and prepare. And our three parenting goals should simply be: exemplify stability, enjoy them, and turn their hearts toward God.
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” All we can do is arm them with the right tools that they will carry with them as they go through life. Teach them that effort always trumps natural talent. He sees a lot of kids with natural talent turn into not so great adults…because they didn’t make the effort. They relied on talent alone to get them anywhere in life. Effort builds character, grit and determination. All things you need when life throws you curveballs, because it will!
He also talked about how too often parents fall into the trap of linear thinking – where we focus too much on the outcomes, which tends to make us over control. And here’s the real kicker, linear thinking often makes it about us and not about our kids – whether we realize it or not. He gave a powerful example of this: at a check-up for a 2-week old, his parents were bicycling his legs. The doctor asked if they had any questions for him. And the first question they asked was what more could they be doing (other than bicycling his legs) to help him grow up to be a fast runner and good at sports. His response back was, “Do me a favor…for the next two months, just focus on falling in love with your baby.”
In other words, just enjoy them in the moment.
Love your kids no matter what. At the end of the day, that’s the most important thing they need from us parents – our unconditional love.
You don’t have to be a perfect parent. You just have to be good enough.
That last statement really hit home for me. It is so hard not to put so much pressure on ourselves to be the best parents possible, which in and of itself already makes us great because we care so much. But our kids aren’t asking or looking for perfection. In fact, in their innocent eyes, we’re perfect to them just the way we are. Their love for us is unconditional and knows no bounds. So we should give ourselves some grace and take comfort in knowing that simply being present and loving is enough to raise some pretty awesome humans.
But let’s not forget about God’s goals: pursue our kids and change us. He wants a relationship with our kids. We play an important part in that by bringing to light God’s presence in their lives through prayer, fellowship, and reading His word. And the things our kids go through? Well that’s by design. It’s how God changes us to be better.
Me? I’ve learned to be more patient. And I’m still learning how to let go and not step in all the time so Mackenzie can figure things out for herself. I find that when I do just wait and watch, she never ceases to amaze me in how she’s able to problem solve on her own – maybe not in the way I would’ve done it, but in her own way. And that’s a life skill she will take with her into adulthood.
Isn’t it just amazing how God designed the parent-child relationship?